What to Do After Your Spouse Confesses Their Infidelity - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - December 8

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What to Do After Your Spouse Confesses Their Infidelity

By: Vivian Bricker

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

Few want to discuss infidelity, as it is a major breach of trust that can destroy a marriage. When a spouse is unfaithful, the partner may feel lasting distrust. People process this pain differently; however, if we are the one cheated on, we don’t need to choose evil. Our emotions are valid, but we are called not to return evil for evil (1 Peter 3:9), but instead to respond with blessing.

If you are feeling anger, pain, or depression, those are all more than valid. Leave space for these feelings. There is nothing more heartbreaking than knowing that your spouse was unfaithful to you. It can make you feel as though your entire marriage was built upon lies and falsehoods. Deceit is normally connected with infidelity; your spouse had to tell you many lies about where they were going and who they were with.

For some marriages, infidelity can never be fixed. However, for others, their marriage can actually become stronger. This might be hard to believe, but for many couples, their marriage will be stronger, more connected, and more open after going through infidelity. The major part of building a successful marriage after infidelity is whether you and your spouse want to repair the relationship. This desire has to be genuine and not rooted in guilt.

Before you and your spouse choose to try to repair the marriage, make sure your hearts are in the right place. This might mean taking some time apart and seeing your own therapists. If you both want to repair the marriage, Christian marriage counseling will be a must. It will not be an option. It is very important that you and your spouse continue with marriage counseling even after you work through this problem.

Sadly, many people who commit infidelity will do it again. Working with a Christian marriage counselor can help your spouse stay open and accountable. If your spouse ever starts struggling with thoughts of unfaithfulness, they will be able to talk about them in therapy. You will also have a hard job of listening to these feelings, but try your best to listen and to be supportive.

However, you don’t need to neglect your own mental health. Take time to do things you enjoy, such as getting outside, reading, or creating artwork. Self-care is not a sin, and there is no reason to be ashamed of engaging in it. Truth be told, at the present time, you need to practice self-care more than ever and be easy on yourself. Everything you have been through is difficult and extremely painful.

It is also important to be talking with God during this time. While God will not rewind time and change what has happened, He can help you with the pain you are experiencing right now. God never wanted a husband or a wife to be unfaithful to one another. He created marriage to be filled with mutual love, respect, and faithfulness. It might be tempting to blame God for what happened, but remember that it isn’t His fault.

God will heal you and help you recover from this pain. However, He also wants you to forgive your spouse (Ephesians 4:32). This doesn’t always mean reconciliation, but He does want you to forgive. As you navigate this season, allow God to guide and instruct you. Infidelity is a biblical reason for divorce, and you can choose divorce if this is what you want (Matthew 19:9). You are not in the wrong for wanting divorce after this situation, and you are also not in the wrong if you want to work through this issue with your spouse.

The Apostle Peter tells us, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). The love you have for your spouse can help this pain heal. When we love someone so much, it is impossible to hate them. If you and your spouse want to work through this together, know that it is possible with the help of Jesus. It will take time and hard work, but your marriage can be repaired.

On the other hand, if your spouse doesn’t show signs of wanting to repair the marriage, know that it is not your fault. It could be they have been struggling with this sin for a while, and the best route to take at this time is to part ways. Sometimes divorce can actually bring you to a beautiful place after the darkness has lifted. Trust in the Lord and know that He will bring beauty out of brokenness.

“Dear Jesus, my spouse recently confessed their infidelity to me. I feel awful about it; I just want to yell at them and cry. Please give me the strength to move forward and to forgive. If my spouse wants to repair the marriage with me, help me to forgive. Even if they don’t want to repair the marriage, help me to also forgive them. Thank You for walking through this season with me. Amen.”

Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate: https://cultivatechristianity.wordpress.com/. 

Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise

How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.